Well, after starting this I have had a lot going on. My daughter had to have surgery, so I was tied up and wore out with all of that. I have questioned whether or not to message my dad to let him know, but I still feel really let down and hurt by all that has happened in that area of my life and feel like he won't really care anyway so why bother. 
   I have been looking into some herbal medicines that I may be able to take to help with the depression and "mild" bi-polar disorder since I will be out of my antidepressants in less than a week. I ordered a couple of things that I hope will do the trick in that area.
   I get so down because I don't have any girl friends to talk to and go do things with except for one, and half the time I don't want to talk to her because all she wants to talk about are her aches and pains and getting medicine for her anxiety or pain. I understand that she needs those things, but as a recovering addict I do not want it thrown in my face all the time and I certainly don't want to talk about it all the time. I get the feeling sometimes that she is trying to bring me down to that level again. I can tell her I don't want to discuss the subject and why, and she will do good for about 3 days and then BLAM! she's at it again. Not to mention when I want to talk to her about anything she constantly interrupts me, I don't know if I have ever been able to tell her a full "story" without being interrupted by her. Anyway , I was thinking that I might get online and see if I can find a chat room that might have some women that live around here that I might be able to become friends with, we'll see.
   I know I can talk to my husband about anything, but some things are just better if they are shared with another woman, I feel anyways.
   It has been another all niter for me last night and I am really getting sleepy, but I know if I sleep now I will be up all night again, so I will try my best to stay up all day and just call it an early night tonight.

Well, this is the start of it. I have been thinking of doing this for some time now and have finally decided to do it. My hope is to use this as a means to get some of the things that go thru my mind out onto paper as it were. Everyone says it is the best way to get stuff out and will no longer stay in my head to worry me so much, we will see I guess.

I have fought with depression since I was 12 yrs old( over 30 yrs now). I have been in therapy and been on some form of medication for many many yrs. I do not have health insurance and so now it is not likely I will continue to get the type of help I really need, thus this blog to help in some small way. I will try to post on this site each day, but as anyone with depression knows I may not be able to do so each day because I will just not be able to get myself up to do it. I am already feeling good about having started it though.